Now that I am "back on the market," I am realizing that dating as an Asian adult is a bizarre landscape.
I wasn't happy. I was comfortable. I was compliant. And in becoming those things, I slowly erased parts of myself. I stopped listening to my own music in the car because he preferred talk radio. I stopped wearing my oversized, comfortable sweaters because he preferred the fitted dress I wore on our first date.
I think that’s why I stayed so long. I fell in love with the idea of him. I fell in love with the narrative that said, “You have found the socially acceptable partner. You have checked the box. You are safe.” asians ex diary
Because writing is slow. And healing is slow.
I started this blog not to air dirty laundry or to exact revenge on a former lover, but to catalogue the debris of a life that once was. Being Asian in the diaspora often means living a life of high expectations—academic success, filial piety, the "model minority" myth. We are taught to be perfect. We are taught to endure. Now that I am "back on the market,"
When these relationships end, the "diary" aspect serves as a cathartic outlet. Contributors often discuss:
I still have your kimchi in my fridge sometimes. Not the good homemade kind — the store-bought one you said was “acceptable.” You were always generous with your critiques. I was compliant
Because here’s the thing no one tells you about being Asian and falling in love with another Asian from a different Asian country: you spend half the time bonding over the similarities (rice, filial piety, saving plastic bags) and the other half quietly decoding each other’s wounds. Your family’s brand of strict wasn’t my family’s brand of strict. Your “I’m fine” meant something else in Cantonese than it did in my mom’s Tagalog.
The "Asians Ex Diary" keyword is more than a search term; it’s a reflection of a generation finding its voice. It highlights the beauty and the struggle of navigating love while carrying the weight of heritage. As these stories continue to be shared, they pave the way for a more open, connected, and emotionally aware community.
The rise of platforms like TikTok, Substack, and Reddit has transformed personal journaling into a public, shared experience. For the Asian community, this visibility is a radical shift from the "save face" mentality of older generations.
I don’t know where this blog goes next. Maybe I’ll post recipes for single-serving comfort food. Maybe I’ll write reviews of Asian dramas that feature healthy relationships (do those exist?). Maybe I’ll just document the slow, messy process of learning to love myself again.